Once upon a time, I truly believed I had found my prince charming, only to find out later that he was just wearing a disguise. As I was pondering how hard it is for me to understand men, this cartoon idea came to mind.
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Most of us have probably done some pretty crazy things to draw the attention of someone we love. My little brother used to spend every dime of his hard-earned lawn mowing money each week on the girl next door. He lavished her with ridiculous amounts of candy and stuffed animals, just in hopes that she would talk to him. I truly believe that falling in love makes us temporarily insane, because I’ve done some pretty crazy things myself.
One time, when I was about fourteen years old, I was invited to a lake party where a boy I really liked was going to be. I asked my best friend to come too, so she could provide moral support since I was nervous about seeing my crush. But before we left, I decided to take her for a quick thrill ride on my motorcycle first.
As usual, I showed off by kicking up dust and rocks as I gunned the engine and went as fast as I could up a hill. It was a lot of fun. But when we descended the steep path to head back home for the party, I suddenly lost control of the bike as we rounded a sharp turn. It had rained the night before so the mud and gravel were more slippery than usual and we suddenly found ourselves body surfing on the rocky ground alongside the motorcycle. Our bumpy slide finally ended when we fell into a ditch surrounded by boulders and trees on the other side. But then the heavy motorcycle fell right on top of me and I became pinned inside the trench.
Growing up I had hundreds of acres of woods to explore behind my house. Blazing new trails while pretending I was a pioneer was one of my favorite things to do. I often saw snakes, had ticks embedded in my head, and got covered in chigger bites or poison ivy, but I didn’t care. I was happiest being in the trees where nobody could find me.
Contrary to my mother’s dreams, I wasn’t the girly-girl she had hoped for when I was born. My mother enjoyed getting dressed up, fixing her hair, and looking pretty with a lot of accessories. Therefore, she assumed I would be her little doll to primp around with. I even had bows adorned upon my head with scotch tape before my hair was long enough to gather into bands. However, I fought like a banshee whenever she tried to wrestle me into a dress.
My mother couldn’t relate to my enjoyment of motorcycles, treehouses and playing in the dirt, so she signed me up for more graceful activities…in hopes that they would train me to be more lady-like. I even suffered through five treacherous years of ballet lessons. I pleaded with her to let me take Karate instead, but she thought the key to becoming a woman was in the point, plié and pirouette.
By the time I reached my teenage years, nothing had succeeded in turning my desires from mud to make-up so I was enrolled in Charm School, which was taught by a former Miss America. The class was full of girls who were eager to learn about becoming a true southern belle. And then there was me…wearing a baseball cap and a scowl on my face. For several months Miss America gave her best shot at teaching me how to smile, bat my eyes, and sit up properly in a chair. I even learned how to model on a catwalk, but I despised every minute. During one of our fashion shows, instead of wearing a fancy gown like the others, I wore my favorite torn-up jeans and mocked their prissy hip-swinging walk while I made Vanna White hand gestures towards my converse high tops.
Zombies are typically seen as a bunch of slobbering idiots that need a swift ax to the head, but I want to draw attention to some of their positive attributes. Sure, they may be terrible with personal hygiene–plus there’s that whole wanting to eat humans thing which is simply disgraceful–but I believe there are valuable life lessons we can learn from the seemingly unruly bunch. Just humor me here.
1. People are a Priority –
Zombies are not into material things or superficial beauty. They just want people for who they are. The simple fact that we are human should be enough to make seeking relationship with others our priority…not what we can gain with wealth, status or lifestyle.
2. Diversity is Valuable –
Zombies pursue all kinds of people, even if they’re not the same. They’re never picky about gender, race, wealth or weight. We should seek diverse relationships as well. It will help us gain knowledge, perspective and experiences that we’d never have otherwise.
3. Patience is a Virtue –
Zombies are methodical and consistent. They don’t rush around with too many things going on at once, nor do they get into a frenzy over traffic or other everyday things like humans do. Likewise, we should plan our steps carefully and avoid making rash decisions. Then, when an opportunity presents itself, we’ll be ready to seize the moment.